LONG, BORING, SELF-PITYING AND VAGUELY PSYCHOANALYTIC.
At your own risk, read...
I love comics and character designs, I just suck at making them. I have made peace with this a life ago after high school, but during the years I tried to fight it and find my own way, and my own linework. I know people would say "if you give up in the beginning you'll never reach anything".
Drawing is not graphic design.
You gotta embrace composition, know stuff, and develop a taste, with GD. Discipline always overcomes talent, but here more. Geometry, my field, more than more. Especially if you use a computer.
But drawing is much more visceral. It doesn't mean that you don't have to find your own way and always improve yourself, your best job won't be your first sketch on day 1 as even in your day 4.957 you couldn't have found total confidence in telling yourself "this is the best I can do", but deep down in the guts, you know you have the motherfuckin' gift.
I think it works also in the opposite case.
You can fight as harder as you can, but you won't escape the inevitable, the comparison between your psychoanalytic hobby "I can draw, I know I can, I'm not a talentless mofo" and your profession, if you've been lucky and enough disciplined to have one.
And discover how short is the dick of Mr. Hyde.
Despite that, I think that creative minds work like that because of a certain lack of "filling the negative space", the one that a commercial brain calls ambition to expand and gain more power, more money, in the creative becomes the urge to fill a void of the same type. It could be filled with reading or watching fiction, collect other creatives work, listening to music or even making it, cooking, traveling, and everything modern society defines as creative.
This all serves to one single thing, to state the obvious.
Yes, you're creative. And you're good at it. Surpriseeee!
No. Not really. But you needed it so much, don't you?
This worths for the good stuff, but also for the bad. You need to prove you're bad to feel confident that you're good elsewhere, but you needed to test it for the last time when you declared the last time was the previous last.
When are you gonna fill that void?
Can't you be good with what you have already?
Yes, mostly do, especially growing.
But that urge to fill that void will always be there, with minds like yours. When you'll be an elder you'll see, what a pain in the ass you'll be.
I knew accepting the challenge and drawing again would end in a big tragedy, feeling worthless, questioning myself over the real spectrum of my skills, fearing the talent in the others instead of being inspired by it, and so on. It's a quest for misery hunting in an empty dungeon.
But this urge to fill the void means doesn't mean that you're empty, but the contrary. Empty people don't feel absolutely at all the need to fill themselves. It's this the most fearsome aspect of ignorance.
That's why I'll always try to get out of the comfort zone.
Better be a fool looking out for reasons in the dirt than a moron on top of a throne.
Thanks to internet I can delete it and made you forget. But I'll always remember I failed again. And that, I can't delete it. So I'll keep this rant as a reminder.
And the pic too, unfortunately.